Martin Hannigan
2005-12-25 01:09:04 UTC
alt.usenet.kooks and KOTM
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What is alt.usenet.kooks "AUK"?
2. Is it a joke?
3. What is AUK for?
4. What is AUK *NOT* for?
6. What is a kook?
7. Example Kooks
8. How do I present someone for a Kook Nomination?
9. What are the "Kook Awards"?
10. Who is Darth Bawl?
14. Where are the AUK Archives?
18. Who have been the Vote Wranglers in alt.usenet.kooks?
19. Do I have what it takes to BE a Vote Wrangler?
21. That was MEAN, just plain MEAN!!!
22. Should I expect ONE CONSISTENT response to my rude and obnoxious
online behavior from the denizens of AUK?
23. To whom should I complain if I think I have been treated unfairly?
24. What kind of response can I expect as a result of my stupid
online behavior at AUK?
25. Can I really be kicked off my ISP for...
26. Can I really be thrown in jail for posting threatening messages?
27. Fine. I'll just remain anonymous. That'll work, right?
28. I just realized I am a Maroon. How can I improve my standing in
the eyes of the Internet, my balloon doll, and, most importantly,
"Bob"?
29. Who is Datbasix.com?
30. Who is Lart.com?
1. What is this newsgroup, alt.usenet.kooks (AUK)?
This is ALT.USENET.KOOKS. It is commonly refferred to as a place
to discuss usenet kooks, who often become net.legends in their
own right.
2. This is a joke, right? RIGHT?!!
It is a joke. It's the Internets way of poking fun of people of
sometimes questionable intelligence.
3. What's this newsgroup for?
The newsgroup alt.usenet.kooksis is for the discovery and discussion
of Kooks on the Internet. One phrase we use to commonly describe
them is net.kook (net dot kook).
4. What's this newsgroup NOT for?
It is not for over the line harassment, posting real-life information
related to said net.kook(s) or other nasty items. Don't post stuff about
someone that you wouldn't want posted about you.
5. Who let this newsgroup in here, and why wasn't I notified?
That's what you get for missing staff meetings.
Here is the control message that started it all:
==== begin AUK newgroup ====
From ***@nyx10.cs.du.edu Mon Dec 20 16:30:37 1993
Control: newgroup alt.usenet.kooks
Newsgroups: alt.config,alt.usenet.kooks.ctl
Path: uunet!mnemosyne.cs.du.edu!nyx10!mbur
From: ***@nyx10.cs.du.edu (MAC)
Subject: newgroup alt.usenet.kooks
Message-ID: <***@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu>
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
of Denver for the Denver community. The University has neither
control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Sender: ***@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu (netnews admin account)
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 93 21:19:36 GMT
Approved: ***@gyrfalcon.gsfc.nasa.gov
Lines: 17
Xref: uunet control:794664
As per discussion on alt.config alt.usenet.kooks has been created.
Usenet has more of its share of conspiracy theorists and kooks
and this group has been created for the discussion of these people.
Examples of their work will be posted here and it will be a meeting
place for kook-hunters to gather and swap stories and keep
one another up to date as to where the new budding kooks can
be found. It is hoped that through the careful use of the Followup
line, kooks can be lured into crossposting to alt.usenet.kooks.
As I have said, this has been discussed in alt.config and there is
alot of interest in this group. Sys-admins kindly create this
group and feel free to e-mail me with any questions.
For your newsgroups file:
alt.usenet.kooks Discussion of the kooks on usenet.
From ***@netcom.com Sat Jun 25 00:44:05 1994
Control: newgroup alt.usenet.kooks
Newsgroups: alt.config
Path:
uunet!cs.utexas.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!sol.ctr.columbia.edu!newsxfer.itd.umich.edu!europa.eng.gtefsd.com!library.ucla.edu!csulb.edu!csus.edu!netcom.com!crd
From: ***@netcom.com (Craig Dickson)
Subject: Re: refresh newgroup for alt.usenet.kooks?
Message-ID: <***@netcom.com>
Organization: Kook-of-the-Month Awards HQ
References: <***@drycas.club.cc.cmu.edu>
Date: Sat, 25 Jun 1994 03:00:22 GMT
Approved: ***@netcom.com
Lines: 17
Xref: uunet control:1022753
***@drycas.club.cc.cmu.edu (Randy Finder) writes:
= I have seen some posts crossposted to alt.usenet.kooks including
= an FAQ. My site does not have it although we have a fairly complete
= usenet groups list. (3000+groups including about 1000 alt groups.)
=
= As this strikes me as a group that some people may have tried to rmgroup,
= I was wondering if someone could do a refresh on alt.usenet.kooks
This message is a booster newgroup for alt.usenet.kooks, an existing and
moderately busy newsgroup devoted to the discussion of kooks on Usenet.
If your site does not already carry a.u.k, please create it.
--
Craig Dickson (***@netcom.com) a.k.a. "*ibo": a collector of
net.butterflies.
Keeper, alt.usenet.kooks FAQ. Coordinator, Kook of the Month Awards
(a.u.k).
KotM archives, a.u.k FAQ, and net.legends FAQ:
ftp://ftp.netcom.com:/pub/crd.
"This may make me a megalomaniac putz": Roger "Fouck you all" Bryner
6/12/94.
==== end AUK newgroup ====
Suffice to say, I'm quite pleased the newsgroup has maintained more or
less its original purpose, to say the least.
6. Who is a net.kook?
Anyone who posts uniquely strange, preferably incomprehensible articles,
or who manifests a persistent, extreme, and somewhat bizarre obsession,
might be a net.kook. And more.
It is important to note the subtle distinction between a net.kook, a
net.cretin,
a clueless newbie, troll, or garden-variety @$$hole. The newbie, one hopes,
can acquire a clue on the installment plan even if he can't afford to buy
one
for cash; the cretin is merely stupid and/or irritating; the troll is
purposely
pulling your leg like it got caught in some heavy machinery, the @$$hole is,
well, simply that. But a TRUE net.kook has a special fascination derived
from his/her/its utter ineffability. Their behavior is irrational, if not
downright
weird, but they are seldom merely boring.
It is not considered appropriate to nominate clueless newbies, trolls, or
longwinded spambrains as net.kooks. It is acceptable to nominate
net.cretins,
or simply to present them, without nomination, for whatever minor amusement
value they may have; but the real focus here is on net.kooks in all their
raging,
indomitable glory.
Important Disclaimer: the fact that someone has been proclaimed a net.kook
does not imply any psychological diagnosis in and of itself. A net.kook may
or may not be clinically insane; that is not the concern of the AUK
audience.
We hope.
7. Can you show me a few examples?
I'd rather not, but it may help to clarify things...
* The person who posted a handful of meaningless, ill-formed newgroup
messages on May 21, 1994 was a Clueless Newbie.
* The person who hung around alt.religion.kibology during April and
May 1994, constantly posting boilerplate "warning" messages telling
people that ARK messages were intentionally meaningless, was a net.cretin.
* The people who post demented "scientific" theories like Archimedes
Plutonium's concept of the universe being one giant atom of plutonium
and seem incorrigible to criticism are moderate net.kooks.
* The sort of person who constantly raves about the conspiracy against her
or him is an extreme net.kook, especially if he or she automatically assumes
that anyone who questions her or his world-view is an agent of the
conspirators, is an ultra right-wing/left-wing extremist and hides behind an
anonymous remailer to avoid persecution even though he would get one hell
of a lot less by not posting at all.
8. How do I present a Kook on this group?
The preferred technique is to get the suspected Kook to start posting to AUK
so that we can all see him or her in all their first-hand Glory. You can do
this
by posting followups to the suspect's weirder messages, with your followups
innocently crossposted to AUK. If the suspect responds to your messages
without editing the Newsgroups line, you've achieved your goal.
Another acceptable method is to repost, complete and unedited, one or two of
the suspected Kook's recent rantings. If you do this, please provide a brief
intro in the header describing what the hell you're doing, such as
indicating
who this person is, what group you found the message on, or why you think
the rest of us should give a rat's @$$ about it.
You should be aware that if you try this with some perfectly reasonable
posting,
you will be flamed to net.hell and back and probably suspected of being a
net.loon yourself. It is also considered extremely lame to nominate someone
as
a Kook simply because you have lost, or at least failed to win, a debate
with her
or him; persistently doing so is likely to get you nominated for Darth
Bawl. That
someone fails to perceive the self-evident, unassailable wisdom of your
viewpoint
does not, in and of itself, constitute Kookery.
9. What are the Kook Awards?
The newsgroup alt.usenet.kooks offers a variety of widely-recognized and
highly dubious honors for your service, applying to net.kooks everywhere.
These are sorted in three categories the Usenet-only awards, awards in
recognition of dubious achievement anywhere on the Internet, and lifetime
achievement and memorial awards. Usenet awards apply only to Kooks
in newsgroups; the Internet awards apply also to Email and web pages and
anything else where the Internet functions; lifetime achievement and
memorial
awards are given once only in recognition of highly sore-thumb-outstanding
loony behavior.
-- Usenet Awards --
KOOK OF THE MONTH
Every month special recognition is given to someone whose Usenet Kookery
is judged to have surpassed all others. This is the Kook of the Month
Award,
voted (somewhat informally) by the denizens of AUK.
CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
Similar to KotM, but reserved only for the most highly clueless and
incorrigible newbies of Usenet. The Clueless Newbie of the Month
(CNotM)
is pretty much the same sort of thing as the KotM, but honors
spectacular
cluelessness on Usenet rather than Kookery. Actually being a newbie is
not a
strict requirement for eligibility; but the type of cluelessness being
recognized needs to be of the sort typical of newbies. If someone has
been
on the net for some time and still acts like a newbie, they're eligible.
HOOK, LINE & SINKER AWARD
The reward for the best troller, and/or trollee, Usenet has to offer at
a
given time. Talent at manipulation and gullibility are things worthy of
public recognition, after all. It gets laws passed all the time.
GOLDEN KILLFILE
Given to the most killfile-worthy net.kooks on the face of Usenet.
This award recognizes exceptional killfilable merit; if you are unworthy
enough to be ignored by everyone on the face of the earth, you are
eligible
for this award.
VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN "WEIRD SCIENCE" AWARD
Given to those inspired, pioneering visionaries and their worthy
inventions, institutions, and prides-of-joys, who have reasoned it out,
who KNOW The Answer, that would know how to use it to make
for a better humanity....if only somebody would listen to them.
KOOK OF THE YEAR
A just reward for the best KotM of the year.
-- Internet Awards --
LOONEY MAROON AWARD
For the greatest net.loon of the month, including but not limited to
KotM candidates. Formerly given by reverse-acclaim, executive
designation and outright acclamation, now reserved solely for the
wild whims of the AUK populace. This award is generally given
to the least comprehensible candidates.
PALMJOB PADDLE
Named for the most-spanked person in the history of the Internet,
Wilhelm Palmer (Bill Palmer, aka "Palmjob"). The self-styled Flame
Giant, who has never won a single flamewar in his existence. This
award is given to the person who gets spanked (as in, thrashed) the
most in a given month, be it by their opponents or even their own hand.
-- Lifetime Achievement --
BOBO AWARD
Given to they who rise above and beyond the call of net.looniness,
the Bobo is reserved for those whose sheer quest at whatever it is
they're pursuing knows Absolutely No Bounds, crossing the lines
of legal dispute, losing everything in particular, even death. Several
Bobo honorees are, in fact, deceased. Think of it as the Internet's
version of the Darwin Award.
BUSTED URINAL AWARD
The reward for the Lamest of the Lame on the Internet. One who
clogs and stinks up the joint like a busted urinal, you could say.
UNABOMBER SURPRISE
A fitting presentation to those most gifted with the Long Wind, they
who have the unique talent of saying in a million words that which
could have been said in one.
BOLO BULLIS "FOAM DUCK" PRIZE
The spoonerism for "dumb fuck", for those who've lost more marbles
than a Chinese Checker factory will ever make. Given in form of
reversed reverse-acclamation.
TAR & FEATHERS
Reserved solely for the Terminally Clueless on the net, those
most highly incorrigible past all hope crusaders who in another
time and reality would've been tarred and feathered and ridden out
of town on a rail. Preferably one with a bridge out. Over a canyon.
-- Memorial Awards --
EARL GORDON CURLEY MEMORIAL AWARD
Commonly referred to as the Curley Award, it is used to
commemorate those most emulative of Earl Curley, a
substance-abusing incoherent crook with delusions of godhead with
a penchant for censoring all possible opposing viewpoints
notwithstanding the highly strange ones he himself held. This
once-proud KotM alumnus mastered in the art of sock puppetry,
participated in mildly amusing but mostly painful websites, and had
an unerring ability towards self-destructive behavior to get back at his
opponents. It is called Curley's MEMORIAL Award because he is
quite literally very Dead, the end result of his exhilarting rise in
net.kookery. Or, as the newsmedia put it simply, "died suddenly".
As the only one who's gone this far above and beyond the call of
net.kookery, he deserves an award in his honor, for aspiring
net.loons everywhere.
GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
Given to those brave, inspiring crusaders who will keep up a lost
lunatic cause despite all odds, even after the enemy has won, set up
their own superpower in their midst and are chugging Guinness in
a Kook-free world scenario.
KENNY McCORMICK MEMORIAL MEDAL
Named after the famed South Park boy wonder, this medal is given to
they who lose 5 or more Internet accounts as a result of their
net.kookery, but keep coming back for more, to be killed off again and
again and again.
See Appendix A of this document for the full story on all of these highly
dubious awards.
10. Who is Darth Bawl?
Usenet's Biggest Crybaby. Whomsoever gets to hold the title of Darth
Bawl is decided every 3 months by a poll of the voters of AUK, the only
vote where vote fraud is actively ENCOURAGED. You can't vote more
than once but anonymous voting is allowed. First a pool of candidates is
voted upon, and the top two vote-getters are pitted against each other in
a runoff election. Whoever gets the most votes may be called Darth Bawl
for the next 3 months.
11. Who the F*CK appointed YOU net.kookologist/god/nazi etc.
Nobody. We have a Gift.
12. Are there any holidays in AUK?
Why yes, there sure are:
June 26th - KOOK DAY
Named in commemoration of Earl Curley slipping the surly bonds of earth
to serve a major in the pine penalty box, the same day as Edmond
Wollmann
got arrested riding his motorcycle on the San Clemente Railroad tracks
December 20th - AUK BIRTHDAY
The anniversary of the newgrouping of alt.usenet.kooks
13. Where is the Vote Wrangler banned?
At newsguy, for starters. Some people have no sense of fair play. He was
one of less than 10 people who got themselves successfully banned at
Cyberpromo as well, until the thing hit an iceberg.
14. Is alt.usenet.kooks archived anywhere?
Why do you want to know?
15. What should we do about the book?
Burn it.
16. Where can I find out more about net.kooks?
Several mini-FAQs on classic kooks of the past and present (along with
several non-kooky legendary netters) are available on the World Wide Web in
various archives. Preferred sites include Matt Legare's KotM website
(http://www.wetware.com/mlegare/kotm), the Nut.Scum website
(http://www.netscum.org), the Killfile Daemons website
(http://www.killfile.org), and, last but not least, the almighty Fugawi.net
17. What is the Cabal Obsidian Order (COO/TINCOO)?
From the beginning of Usenet time, there has been but one force
capable of holding it in check to remain in the realm of mortal
existence. For today's Usenet world you need a Giant. A Behemoth.
A Cabal of IMMENSE PROPORTIONS. A REALLY *BIG*CABAL* to
offer all news ORDER and to leash and chain its most Undesirable
and UnWorthy elements.
This is the most ruthless and efficient organization within the domain of
the Usenet Cabal, known as its Obsidian Order. If *YOU* wish to know
of this entity, read, learn, and do as you will.
SEE THE LIGHT OF COLLECTIVE WISDOM!!!
A. What is the Usenet Cabal?
What Cabal? There Is No Cabal.
B. How does the Cabal function??
As well as any apocryphal organization can hope to function.
C. What are the weaknesses of the Cabal?
<chortle> What weaknesses?
D. What is the hierarchy and power structure of the Cabal?
Oh, you don't want to know that. Really. Besides which you
haven't PAID me enough for that information.
E. What is the Cabal Obsidian Order?
The Cabal Obsidian Order is a profoundly secret collective of
operatives designed to outrun, outgun and Eliminate the most
vile scum and villainy the net has to offer.
F. How do I know if the COO is responsible for something?
If the COO's operatives are doing their job correctly, you won't.
G. Who are the leaders of the COO?
The COO is run by a Board of 17, the epicenter of whom resides
in South Park, Colorado. The Board consists of 5 females,10
males, a hard drive, and a dog. Promotion to the Board is through
assassination. Since your chances of doing so without getting
laughed and pointed at are exceedingly small, you may therefore
sign up for other posts within the organization to grant as we see
fit.
H. How may I apply to become an operative of the COO?
Pitiful begging at the Vote Wrangler's feet helps.
18. Who have been the Vote Wranglers in alt.usenet.kooks?
Ye just had to ask; ye shall receive:
AUK VOTE WRANGLERS
Craig Dickson (1994-95)
Matthew Legare (1995-97)
Killfile Daemons (1997)
Robbie Honerkamp (1997-98)
Doktor Pete (1998-2001)
VACANT (2001-Present)
19. Do I have what it takes to BE a Vote Wrangler?
<chortle> If you have to ask, you don't have what it takes.
20. Who do you %$#@!s think you are to oppose ME, Lord High
Poster-Child of the Macrocosmic Universe?
We are the ones who can and will kick your @$$ if you use our group
as your personal piss bowl. You are a freak of the universe. You do not
give the orders here. And whether you like it or not, the universe is
laughing
behind your back.
21. That was MEAN, just plain MEAN!!!
Payback's a bitch, ain't it?
22. Should I expect ONE CONSISTENT response to my rude and obnoxious
online behavior from the denizens of AUK?
Absolutely NOT.
23. To whom should I complain if I think I have been treated unfairly?
<Darth Vader>
You think you have been treated unfairly?
</Darth Vader>
24. What kind of response can I expect as a result of my stupid
online behavior at AUK?
Guilty party gets one or a combination thereof of the following
assorted reactions (not at all limited to these, mind you):
1. Complete silence while we blow you off
2. Complete silence while we reload
3. Complete silence while we pull the plug on your account
4. Complete silence while we sleep at the switch
5. Complete silence while we sleep in our beds
6. Complete silence while we laugh behind your back
7. Complete silence while we wipe the splattered food and/or
drinks
off our screens
8. Complete silence while we contemplate the known
macrocosmic universe
9. Complete silence while the Vote Wrangler pays good money to
watch professional Denver teams find new ways to lose
10. Complete silence while we bask in the pure glow of
our obnoxiously self-righteous selves
11. Complete silence while we play high-stakes poker with Snoopy,
Andy, Olaf, Marbles and Woodstock
12. Complete silence while we never notice your killfiled post
13. Complete silence while we never notice your spam-canceled
post
14. Complete silence while we run your rude and obnoxious
posts through goofyizers for reposting
15. Complete silence while the Trekkies among us watch the
late lamented USS Defiant blast bad guys' ships into
rubble and
fly through the debris with that nice hallow of sparks
effect
16. Complete silence while we wait for our Gates-sponsored
software systems to uncrash themselves
17. General laughter at your expense
18. General laughter and personal insults at your expense
19. Someone laughs and points at you
20. Someone laughs, points and exposes your true service
provider to the Rabble
21. Someone does any of 1-20 and reports you to your
state's Attorney General
22. Someone does any of 1-21 and reports you to the FBI
National Computer Crime Squad (***@fbi.gov)
23. Someone does any of 1-22 and does highly amusing
parodies of you during the entire process
24. Talk amongst ourselves about life, love and why they sell
8-hot-dog weenie sets with 10-bun packages
25. Sounds of awe as we wonder with dropped mouths
how you were able to make a greater fool of yourself than
you already were
26. Sounds of astonishment as we MARVEL at the FREAK
27. Flames in your generally specific direction
28. Flames of you in the third person as if your voice is only
that of Mr. Garrison at South Park Elementary
29. Flames from the Vote Wrangler from the other side of the
killfile just to annoy all hell out of you
30. Nominations for many noteworthy Kook awards
25. Can I really be kicked off my ISP for...
Being a total @$$hole?
If you try hard enough.
Crossposting to large parts of the Usenet (Excessive
Crossposting [ECP])?
Yes.
Posting multiple copies of the same message to individual
news groups (Excessive Multi Posting [EMP])?
Yes. It's the SPAMMING, stupid.
Posting binaries in non-binary groups such as AUK?
Yes, especially if you persist.
26. Can I really be thrown in jail for posting threatening messages?
Yes, people have been tried and convicted for sending threatening or
harassing Email or Usenet posts. We do NOT support censorship of
the Internet; however, posting a message stating you are going to
cause virtual or unvirtual harm to someone will probably gain you a
visit from your Friendly Neighborhood FBI Agent.
27. Fine. I'll just remain anonymous. That'll work, right?
BWWAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Try it, pinkboy. An anon remailer service can be forced to turn you in
for copyright violation, harrassment, stalking, you name the crime,
they got the time. If you ran an anon remailer service what would be the
point of protecting flagrant abusers of the net and the Law??
28. I just realized I am a Maroon. How can I improve my standing in
the eyes of the Internet, my balloon doll, and, most importantly,
"Bob"?
REPENT. The End is always near.
The Kook Awards Primer
For all but 15 months of the newsgroup's existence, the readers of
alt.usenet.kooks have nominated and voted for Kook awards. These awards
are intended to recognize great achievements in the field of Kookery,
although
(disclaimer) no psychological diagnosis is intended or implied by the award;
the fact that a group of net.posters think that someone's ideas are bizarre
does
not imply that that person is mentally disturbed in a clinical sense.
Aside from a few limitations given below, anyone can nominate anyone else
for Kook of the Month. (You cannot nominate yourself because the award is
not intended as a truly pathetic ego trip.) To be accepted, the nomination
must
be seconded by another person. Unlike times past, there is no such option
as
"None of the Above". Votes are collected from the 1st through the 10th of
each month, and the votes are talled and results posted to formally declare
a
Kook of the Month. Votes are cast by Emailing them to your Friendly
Neighborhood Vote Wrangler's address posted with the ballot.
Eligibility limitations:
No one is eligible for Kook of the Month who
- Is the Kook awards Vote Wrangler
- Is a Vote Wrangler emeritus
- Nominates him/her/itself
- Has not posted any Usenet articles during the current month
- Is not well-known on at least one Usenet newsgroup;
- Is a previous KotM winner
The reasoning behind these rules is so that a small group of well-known
Kooks doesn't keep winning the award over and over (that's what the
Looney Maroon Award is for), or be a constant presence in the nominations.
Eligibility is limited; you can only win once.
The last rule is also intended to prevent known Kooks from subverting the
awards process. This was plainly demonstrated by Dr. Dmitri Vulis in May
1996, when he nominated Dave "Tale" Lawrence for KotM in a hotly
contested(and 2nd most fraudulent) race.
To be completely clear, I should point out that anyone is welcome to bring
Kooks to the attention of the AUK audience. It is only in the formal
nomination
and voting that past KotMs are disqualified. Unless of course the group
votes
to grant you an official Vote Wrangler Pardon (petitioning of which requires
two seconds, which will restore these rights to you. But no power on the
face
of the earth will sponge the writing of your name from the KotM stone.
In voting, all multiple votes are disqualified, to discourage folks from
Wrangler Abuse. KotM winners usually can't vote in elections, to discourage
further vote fraud.
The rest of the Usenet awards are much like KotM, except that it *is*
possible
to win the Hook, Line & Sinker more than once, and you may do so in
successive months.
Now for the Internet awards. Over the course of time, the existence of
Email,
BBS and the Web demanded that Usenet Kookology simply was too limited a
practice to fully experience the colorful world of Kookdom the net has to
offer.
Many times, Usenet Kooks take their crusades to websites and Email which
cannot be covered by KotM nominations alone. This is why the Looney
Maroon Awards were called into existence.
Originally the Looney Maroon Awards were a separate league of honors
apart from the original Usenet set, administered to by a separate Vote
Wrangler. In April 1999, award voting was reunified. Now AUK gives
out awards based on an as-needed basis.
Four versions of winning the Looney Maroon Award have been used
through time. In its first three months, winners were selected by the LMA
Vote Wrangler (then known as the LMA Supreme Dictator) after thorough
research, and the results posted for acceptance or rejection by the denizens
of
AUK. This method (reverse acclamation) and the concept of the LMA were
looked upon fondly by those in the newsgroup; however, multiple candidate
disqualifications and the desire of AUK regulars to vote on this award
resulted
in changing its format to an Email vote, the Dictator retaining powers to
designate
Executive winners of the award himself, and the practice of pure acclamation
instituted. After about a year, these practices were also abandoned, the
Wrangler renamed, and with the exception of the Foam Duck all AUK awards
brought into active voting conformance. The Wrangler reserves the right
to unilaterally place nominees on the ballot for all awards, however, or
nominate or second people himself. It Is Good To Be King.
Today, the Looney Maroon Award is a monthly award voted on by Email,
like KotM; whoever gets the most votes wins. Same is true for the Palmjob
Paddle. Anyone from anywhere on the net can be nominated for these awards,
as well as the Lifetime Achievement and Memorial awards.
The Bobo, Busted Urinal, Unabomber, and Tar & Feathers awards are in the
lifetime achievement category, voted on by voting "yes" or "no" for each
candidate, with the privelege of saying "yes" or "no" to however many
candidates you desire. The Foam Duck is voted on by reversed reverse
acclamation: the Wrangler selects a candidate and asks AUK if they object
to
him getting the Foam Duck, to which AUK denizens vote "yes" or "no".
The Curley, Custer and Kenny awards are those created in memory of
others, special onetime achievements to those dishonoring the memory of
the deceased.
Basically, rules for the non-Usenet awards are inverted compared to
the Usenet ones. There are unlimited opportunities for nomination, and
previous winners can vote. You can even nominate an AUK Vote Wrangler,
on every award but KotM, if you want to get laughed at. Disqualification of
candidates is left to the Vote Wrangler's sole discretion. All nominations
must be seconded unless the Wrangler decides to go on his very own
personal ego trip. A candidate may win each award only once, with the
exception of the HL&S, LMA and Palmjob Paddle, candidates may win an
unlimited number of times as long as they reach the height of the bar raised
by the many previous winners.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What is alt.usenet.kooks "AUK"?
2. Is it a joke?
3. What is AUK for?
4. What is AUK *NOT* for?
6. What is a kook?
7. Example Kooks
8. How do I present someone for a Kook Nomination?
9. What are the "Kook Awards"?
10. Who is Darth Bawl?
14. Where are the AUK Archives?
18. Who have been the Vote Wranglers in alt.usenet.kooks?
19. Do I have what it takes to BE a Vote Wrangler?
21. That was MEAN, just plain MEAN!!!
22. Should I expect ONE CONSISTENT response to my rude and obnoxious
online behavior from the denizens of AUK?
23. To whom should I complain if I think I have been treated unfairly?
24. What kind of response can I expect as a result of my stupid
online behavior at AUK?
25. Can I really be kicked off my ISP for...
26. Can I really be thrown in jail for posting threatening messages?
27. Fine. I'll just remain anonymous. That'll work, right?
28. I just realized I am a Maroon. How can I improve my standing in
the eyes of the Internet, my balloon doll, and, most importantly,
"Bob"?
29. Who is Datbasix.com?
30. Who is Lart.com?
1. What is this newsgroup, alt.usenet.kooks (AUK)?
This is ALT.USENET.KOOKS. It is commonly refferred to as a place
to discuss usenet kooks, who often become net.legends in their
own right.
2. This is a joke, right? RIGHT?!!
It is a joke. It's the Internets way of poking fun of people of
sometimes questionable intelligence.
3. What's this newsgroup for?
The newsgroup alt.usenet.kooksis is for the discovery and discussion
of Kooks on the Internet. One phrase we use to commonly describe
them is net.kook (net dot kook).
4. What's this newsgroup NOT for?
It is not for over the line harassment, posting real-life information
related to said net.kook(s) or other nasty items. Don't post stuff about
someone that you wouldn't want posted about you.
5. Who let this newsgroup in here, and why wasn't I notified?
That's what you get for missing staff meetings.
Here is the control message that started it all:
==== begin AUK newgroup ====
From ***@nyx10.cs.du.edu Mon Dec 20 16:30:37 1993
Control: newgroup alt.usenet.kooks
Newsgroups: alt.config,alt.usenet.kooks.ctl
Path: uunet!mnemosyne.cs.du.edu!nyx10!mbur
From: ***@nyx10.cs.du.edu (MAC)
Subject: newgroup alt.usenet.kooks
Message-ID: <***@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu>
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
of Denver for the Denver community. The University has neither
control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Sender: ***@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu (netnews admin account)
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 93 21:19:36 GMT
Approved: ***@gyrfalcon.gsfc.nasa.gov
Lines: 17
Xref: uunet control:794664
As per discussion on alt.config alt.usenet.kooks has been created.
Usenet has more of its share of conspiracy theorists and kooks
and this group has been created for the discussion of these people.
Examples of their work will be posted here and it will be a meeting
place for kook-hunters to gather and swap stories and keep
one another up to date as to where the new budding kooks can
be found. It is hoped that through the careful use of the Followup
line, kooks can be lured into crossposting to alt.usenet.kooks.
As I have said, this has been discussed in alt.config and there is
alot of interest in this group. Sys-admins kindly create this
group and feel free to e-mail me with any questions.
For your newsgroups file:
alt.usenet.kooks Discussion of the kooks on usenet.
From ***@netcom.com Sat Jun 25 00:44:05 1994
Control: newgroup alt.usenet.kooks
Newsgroups: alt.config
Path:
uunet!cs.utexas.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!sol.ctr.columbia.edu!newsxfer.itd.umich.edu!europa.eng.gtefsd.com!library.ucla.edu!csulb.edu!csus.edu!netcom.com!crd
From: ***@netcom.com (Craig Dickson)
Subject: Re: refresh newgroup for alt.usenet.kooks?
Message-ID: <***@netcom.com>
Organization: Kook-of-the-Month Awards HQ
References: <***@drycas.club.cc.cmu.edu>
Date: Sat, 25 Jun 1994 03:00:22 GMT
Approved: ***@netcom.com
Lines: 17
Xref: uunet control:1022753
***@drycas.club.cc.cmu.edu (Randy Finder) writes:
= I have seen some posts crossposted to alt.usenet.kooks including
= an FAQ. My site does not have it although we have a fairly complete
= usenet groups list. (3000+groups including about 1000 alt groups.)
=
= As this strikes me as a group that some people may have tried to rmgroup,
= I was wondering if someone could do a refresh on alt.usenet.kooks
This message is a booster newgroup for alt.usenet.kooks, an existing and
moderately busy newsgroup devoted to the discussion of kooks on Usenet.
If your site does not already carry a.u.k, please create it.
--
Craig Dickson (***@netcom.com) a.k.a. "*ibo": a collector of
net.butterflies.
Keeper, alt.usenet.kooks FAQ. Coordinator, Kook of the Month Awards
(a.u.k).
KotM archives, a.u.k FAQ, and net.legends FAQ:
ftp://ftp.netcom.com:/pub/crd.
"This may make me a megalomaniac putz": Roger "Fouck you all" Bryner
6/12/94.
==== end AUK newgroup ====
Suffice to say, I'm quite pleased the newsgroup has maintained more or
less its original purpose, to say the least.
6. Who is a net.kook?
Anyone who posts uniquely strange, preferably incomprehensible articles,
or who manifests a persistent, extreme, and somewhat bizarre obsession,
might be a net.kook. And more.
It is important to note the subtle distinction between a net.kook, a
net.cretin,
a clueless newbie, troll, or garden-variety @$$hole. The newbie, one hopes,
can acquire a clue on the installment plan even if he can't afford to buy
one
for cash; the cretin is merely stupid and/or irritating; the troll is
purposely
pulling your leg like it got caught in some heavy machinery, the @$$hole is,
well, simply that. But a TRUE net.kook has a special fascination derived
from his/her/its utter ineffability. Their behavior is irrational, if not
downright
weird, but they are seldom merely boring.
It is not considered appropriate to nominate clueless newbies, trolls, or
longwinded spambrains as net.kooks. It is acceptable to nominate
net.cretins,
or simply to present them, without nomination, for whatever minor amusement
value they may have; but the real focus here is on net.kooks in all their
raging,
indomitable glory.
Important Disclaimer: the fact that someone has been proclaimed a net.kook
does not imply any psychological diagnosis in and of itself. A net.kook may
or may not be clinically insane; that is not the concern of the AUK
audience.
We hope.
7. Can you show me a few examples?
I'd rather not, but it may help to clarify things...
* The person who posted a handful of meaningless, ill-formed newgroup
messages on May 21, 1994 was a Clueless Newbie.
* The person who hung around alt.religion.kibology during April and
May 1994, constantly posting boilerplate "warning" messages telling
people that ARK messages were intentionally meaningless, was a net.cretin.
* The people who post demented "scientific" theories like Archimedes
Plutonium's concept of the universe being one giant atom of plutonium
and seem incorrigible to criticism are moderate net.kooks.
* The sort of person who constantly raves about the conspiracy against her
or him is an extreme net.kook, especially if he or she automatically assumes
that anyone who questions her or his world-view is an agent of the
conspirators, is an ultra right-wing/left-wing extremist and hides behind an
anonymous remailer to avoid persecution even though he would get one hell
of a lot less by not posting at all.
8. How do I present a Kook on this group?
The preferred technique is to get the suspected Kook to start posting to AUK
so that we can all see him or her in all their first-hand Glory. You can do
this
by posting followups to the suspect's weirder messages, with your followups
innocently crossposted to AUK. If the suspect responds to your messages
without editing the Newsgroups line, you've achieved your goal.
Another acceptable method is to repost, complete and unedited, one or two of
the suspected Kook's recent rantings. If you do this, please provide a brief
intro in the header describing what the hell you're doing, such as
indicating
who this person is, what group you found the message on, or why you think
the rest of us should give a rat's @$$ about it.
You should be aware that if you try this with some perfectly reasonable
posting,
you will be flamed to net.hell and back and probably suspected of being a
net.loon yourself. It is also considered extremely lame to nominate someone
as
a Kook simply because you have lost, or at least failed to win, a debate
with her
or him; persistently doing so is likely to get you nominated for Darth
Bawl. That
someone fails to perceive the self-evident, unassailable wisdom of your
viewpoint
does not, in and of itself, constitute Kookery.
9. What are the Kook Awards?
The newsgroup alt.usenet.kooks offers a variety of widely-recognized and
highly dubious honors for your service, applying to net.kooks everywhere.
These are sorted in three categories the Usenet-only awards, awards in
recognition of dubious achievement anywhere on the Internet, and lifetime
achievement and memorial awards. Usenet awards apply only to Kooks
in newsgroups; the Internet awards apply also to Email and web pages and
anything else where the Internet functions; lifetime achievement and
memorial
awards are given once only in recognition of highly sore-thumb-outstanding
loony behavior.
-- Usenet Awards --
KOOK OF THE MONTH
Every month special recognition is given to someone whose Usenet Kookery
is judged to have surpassed all others. This is the Kook of the Month
Award,
voted (somewhat informally) by the denizens of AUK.
CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
Similar to KotM, but reserved only for the most highly clueless and
incorrigible newbies of Usenet. The Clueless Newbie of the Month
(CNotM)
is pretty much the same sort of thing as the KotM, but honors
spectacular
cluelessness on Usenet rather than Kookery. Actually being a newbie is
not a
strict requirement for eligibility; but the type of cluelessness being
recognized needs to be of the sort typical of newbies. If someone has
been
on the net for some time and still acts like a newbie, they're eligible.
HOOK, LINE & SINKER AWARD
The reward for the best troller, and/or trollee, Usenet has to offer at
a
given time. Talent at manipulation and gullibility are things worthy of
public recognition, after all. It gets laws passed all the time.
GOLDEN KILLFILE
Given to the most killfile-worthy net.kooks on the face of Usenet.
This award recognizes exceptional killfilable merit; if you are unworthy
enough to be ignored by everyone on the face of the earth, you are
eligible
for this award.
VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN "WEIRD SCIENCE" AWARD
Given to those inspired, pioneering visionaries and their worthy
inventions, institutions, and prides-of-joys, who have reasoned it out,
who KNOW The Answer, that would know how to use it to make
for a better humanity....if only somebody would listen to them.
KOOK OF THE YEAR
A just reward for the best KotM of the year.
-- Internet Awards --
LOONEY MAROON AWARD
For the greatest net.loon of the month, including but not limited to
KotM candidates. Formerly given by reverse-acclaim, executive
designation and outright acclamation, now reserved solely for the
wild whims of the AUK populace. This award is generally given
to the least comprehensible candidates.
PALMJOB PADDLE
Named for the most-spanked person in the history of the Internet,
Wilhelm Palmer (Bill Palmer, aka "Palmjob"). The self-styled Flame
Giant, who has never won a single flamewar in his existence. This
award is given to the person who gets spanked (as in, thrashed) the
most in a given month, be it by their opponents or even their own hand.
-- Lifetime Achievement --
BOBO AWARD
Given to they who rise above and beyond the call of net.looniness,
the Bobo is reserved for those whose sheer quest at whatever it is
they're pursuing knows Absolutely No Bounds, crossing the lines
of legal dispute, losing everything in particular, even death. Several
Bobo honorees are, in fact, deceased. Think of it as the Internet's
version of the Darwin Award.
BUSTED URINAL AWARD
The reward for the Lamest of the Lame on the Internet. One who
clogs and stinks up the joint like a busted urinal, you could say.
UNABOMBER SURPRISE
A fitting presentation to those most gifted with the Long Wind, they
who have the unique talent of saying in a million words that which
could have been said in one.
BOLO BULLIS "FOAM DUCK" PRIZE
The spoonerism for "dumb fuck", for those who've lost more marbles
than a Chinese Checker factory will ever make. Given in form of
reversed reverse-acclamation.
TAR & FEATHERS
Reserved solely for the Terminally Clueless on the net, those
most highly incorrigible past all hope crusaders who in another
time and reality would've been tarred and feathered and ridden out
of town on a rail. Preferably one with a bridge out. Over a canyon.
-- Memorial Awards --
EARL GORDON CURLEY MEMORIAL AWARD
Commonly referred to as the Curley Award, it is used to
commemorate those most emulative of Earl Curley, a
substance-abusing incoherent crook with delusions of godhead with
a penchant for censoring all possible opposing viewpoints
notwithstanding the highly strange ones he himself held. This
once-proud KotM alumnus mastered in the art of sock puppetry,
participated in mildly amusing but mostly painful websites, and had
an unerring ability towards self-destructive behavior to get back at his
opponents. It is called Curley's MEMORIAL Award because he is
quite literally very Dead, the end result of his exhilarting rise in
net.kookery. Or, as the newsmedia put it simply, "died suddenly".
As the only one who's gone this far above and beyond the call of
net.kookery, he deserves an award in his honor, for aspiring
net.loons everywhere.
GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
Given to those brave, inspiring crusaders who will keep up a lost
lunatic cause despite all odds, even after the enemy has won, set up
their own superpower in their midst and are chugging Guinness in
a Kook-free world scenario.
KENNY McCORMICK MEMORIAL MEDAL
Named after the famed South Park boy wonder, this medal is given to
they who lose 5 or more Internet accounts as a result of their
net.kookery, but keep coming back for more, to be killed off again and
again and again.
See Appendix A of this document for the full story on all of these highly
dubious awards.
10. Who is Darth Bawl?
Usenet's Biggest Crybaby. Whomsoever gets to hold the title of Darth
Bawl is decided every 3 months by a poll of the voters of AUK, the only
vote where vote fraud is actively ENCOURAGED. You can't vote more
than once but anonymous voting is allowed. First a pool of candidates is
voted upon, and the top two vote-getters are pitted against each other in
a runoff election. Whoever gets the most votes may be called Darth Bawl
for the next 3 months.
11. Who the F*CK appointed YOU net.kookologist/god/nazi etc.
Nobody. We have a Gift.
12. Are there any holidays in AUK?
Why yes, there sure are:
June 26th - KOOK DAY
Named in commemoration of Earl Curley slipping the surly bonds of earth
to serve a major in the pine penalty box, the same day as Edmond
Wollmann
got arrested riding his motorcycle on the San Clemente Railroad tracks
December 20th - AUK BIRTHDAY
The anniversary of the newgrouping of alt.usenet.kooks
13. Where is the Vote Wrangler banned?
At newsguy, for starters. Some people have no sense of fair play. He was
one of less than 10 people who got themselves successfully banned at
Cyberpromo as well, until the thing hit an iceberg.
14. Is alt.usenet.kooks archived anywhere?
Why do you want to know?
15. What should we do about the book?
Burn it.
16. Where can I find out more about net.kooks?
Several mini-FAQs on classic kooks of the past and present (along with
several non-kooky legendary netters) are available on the World Wide Web in
various archives. Preferred sites include Matt Legare's KotM website
(http://www.wetware.com/mlegare/kotm), the Nut.Scum website
(http://www.netscum.org), the Killfile Daemons website
(http://www.killfile.org), and, last but not least, the almighty Fugawi.net
17. What is the Cabal Obsidian Order (COO/TINCOO)?
From the beginning of Usenet time, there has been but one force
capable of holding it in check to remain in the realm of mortal
existence. For today's Usenet world you need a Giant. A Behemoth.
A Cabal of IMMENSE PROPORTIONS. A REALLY *BIG*CABAL* to
offer all news ORDER and to leash and chain its most Undesirable
and UnWorthy elements.
This is the most ruthless and efficient organization within the domain of
the Usenet Cabal, known as its Obsidian Order. If *YOU* wish to know
of this entity, read, learn, and do as you will.
SEE THE LIGHT OF COLLECTIVE WISDOM!!!
A. What is the Usenet Cabal?
What Cabal? There Is No Cabal.
B. How does the Cabal function??
As well as any apocryphal organization can hope to function.
C. What are the weaknesses of the Cabal?
<chortle> What weaknesses?
D. What is the hierarchy and power structure of the Cabal?
Oh, you don't want to know that. Really. Besides which you
haven't PAID me enough for that information.
E. What is the Cabal Obsidian Order?
The Cabal Obsidian Order is a profoundly secret collective of
operatives designed to outrun, outgun and Eliminate the most
vile scum and villainy the net has to offer.
F. How do I know if the COO is responsible for something?
If the COO's operatives are doing their job correctly, you won't.
G. Who are the leaders of the COO?
The COO is run by a Board of 17, the epicenter of whom resides
in South Park, Colorado. The Board consists of 5 females,10
males, a hard drive, and a dog. Promotion to the Board is through
assassination. Since your chances of doing so without getting
laughed and pointed at are exceedingly small, you may therefore
sign up for other posts within the organization to grant as we see
fit.
H. How may I apply to become an operative of the COO?
Pitiful begging at the Vote Wrangler's feet helps.
18. Who have been the Vote Wranglers in alt.usenet.kooks?
Ye just had to ask; ye shall receive:
AUK VOTE WRANGLERS
Craig Dickson (1994-95)
Matthew Legare (1995-97)
Killfile Daemons (1997)
Robbie Honerkamp (1997-98)
Doktor Pete (1998-2001)
VACANT (2001-Present)
19. Do I have what it takes to BE a Vote Wrangler?
<chortle> If you have to ask, you don't have what it takes.
20. Who do you %$#@!s think you are to oppose ME, Lord High
Poster-Child of the Macrocosmic Universe?
We are the ones who can and will kick your @$$ if you use our group
as your personal piss bowl. You are a freak of the universe. You do not
give the orders here. And whether you like it or not, the universe is
laughing
behind your back.
21. That was MEAN, just plain MEAN!!!
Payback's a bitch, ain't it?
22. Should I expect ONE CONSISTENT response to my rude and obnoxious
online behavior from the denizens of AUK?
Absolutely NOT.
23. To whom should I complain if I think I have been treated unfairly?
<Darth Vader>
You think you have been treated unfairly?
</Darth Vader>
24. What kind of response can I expect as a result of my stupid
online behavior at AUK?
Guilty party gets one or a combination thereof of the following
assorted reactions (not at all limited to these, mind you):
1. Complete silence while we blow you off
2. Complete silence while we reload
3. Complete silence while we pull the plug on your account
4. Complete silence while we sleep at the switch
5. Complete silence while we sleep in our beds
6. Complete silence while we laugh behind your back
7. Complete silence while we wipe the splattered food and/or
drinks
off our screens
8. Complete silence while we contemplate the known
macrocosmic universe
9. Complete silence while the Vote Wrangler pays good money to
watch professional Denver teams find new ways to lose
10. Complete silence while we bask in the pure glow of
our obnoxiously self-righteous selves
11. Complete silence while we play high-stakes poker with Snoopy,
Andy, Olaf, Marbles and Woodstock
12. Complete silence while we never notice your killfiled post
13. Complete silence while we never notice your spam-canceled
post
14. Complete silence while we run your rude and obnoxious
posts through goofyizers for reposting
15. Complete silence while the Trekkies among us watch the
late lamented USS Defiant blast bad guys' ships into
rubble and
fly through the debris with that nice hallow of sparks
effect
16. Complete silence while we wait for our Gates-sponsored
software systems to uncrash themselves
17. General laughter at your expense
18. General laughter and personal insults at your expense
19. Someone laughs and points at you
20. Someone laughs, points and exposes your true service
provider to the Rabble
21. Someone does any of 1-20 and reports you to your
state's Attorney General
22. Someone does any of 1-21 and reports you to the FBI
National Computer Crime Squad (***@fbi.gov)
23. Someone does any of 1-22 and does highly amusing
parodies of you during the entire process
24. Talk amongst ourselves about life, love and why they sell
8-hot-dog weenie sets with 10-bun packages
25. Sounds of awe as we wonder with dropped mouths
how you were able to make a greater fool of yourself than
you already were
26. Sounds of astonishment as we MARVEL at the FREAK
27. Flames in your generally specific direction
28. Flames of you in the third person as if your voice is only
that of Mr. Garrison at South Park Elementary
29. Flames from the Vote Wrangler from the other side of the
killfile just to annoy all hell out of you
30. Nominations for many noteworthy Kook awards
25. Can I really be kicked off my ISP for...
Being a total @$$hole?
If you try hard enough.
Crossposting to large parts of the Usenet (Excessive
Crossposting [ECP])?
Yes.
Posting multiple copies of the same message to individual
news groups (Excessive Multi Posting [EMP])?
Yes. It's the SPAMMING, stupid.
Posting binaries in non-binary groups such as AUK?
Yes, especially if you persist.
26. Can I really be thrown in jail for posting threatening messages?
Yes, people have been tried and convicted for sending threatening or
harassing Email or Usenet posts. We do NOT support censorship of
the Internet; however, posting a message stating you are going to
cause virtual or unvirtual harm to someone will probably gain you a
visit from your Friendly Neighborhood FBI Agent.
27. Fine. I'll just remain anonymous. That'll work, right?
BWWAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Try it, pinkboy. An anon remailer service can be forced to turn you in
for copyright violation, harrassment, stalking, you name the crime,
they got the time. If you ran an anon remailer service what would be the
point of protecting flagrant abusers of the net and the Law??
28. I just realized I am a Maroon. How can I improve my standing in
the eyes of the Internet, my balloon doll, and, most importantly,
"Bob"?
REPENT. The End is always near.
The Kook Awards Primer
For all but 15 months of the newsgroup's existence, the readers of
alt.usenet.kooks have nominated and voted for Kook awards. These awards
are intended to recognize great achievements in the field of Kookery,
although
(disclaimer) no psychological diagnosis is intended or implied by the award;
the fact that a group of net.posters think that someone's ideas are bizarre
does
not imply that that person is mentally disturbed in a clinical sense.
Aside from a few limitations given below, anyone can nominate anyone else
for Kook of the Month. (You cannot nominate yourself because the award is
not intended as a truly pathetic ego trip.) To be accepted, the nomination
must
be seconded by another person. Unlike times past, there is no such option
as
"None of the Above". Votes are collected from the 1st through the 10th of
each month, and the votes are talled and results posted to formally declare
a
Kook of the Month. Votes are cast by Emailing them to your Friendly
Neighborhood Vote Wrangler's address posted with the ballot.
Eligibility limitations:
No one is eligible for Kook of the Month who
- Is the Kook awards Vote Wrangler
- Is a Vote Wrangler emeritus
- Nominates him/her/itself
- Has not posted any Usenet articles during the current month
- Is not well-known on at least one Usenet newsgroup;
- Is a previous KotM winner
The reasoning behind these rules is so that a small group of well-known
Kooks doesn't keep winning the award over and over (that's what the
Looney Maroon Award is for), or be a constant presence in the nominations.
Eligibility is limited; you can only win once.
The last rule is also intended to prevent known Kooks from subverting the
awards process. This was plainly demonstrated by Dr. Dmitri Vulis in May
1996, when he nominated Dave "Tale" Lawrence for KotM in a hotly
contested(and 2nd most fraudulent) race.
To be completely clear, I should point out that anyone is welcome to bring
Kooks to the attention of the AUK audience. It is only in the formal
nomination
and voting that past KotMs are disqualified. Unless of course the group
votes
to grant you an official Vote Wrangler Pardon (petitioning of which requires
two seconds, which will restore these rights to you. But no power on the
face
of the earth will sponge the writing of your name from the KotM stone.
In voting, all multiple votes are disqualified, to discourage folks from
Wrangler Abuse. KotM winners usually can't vote in elections, to discourage
further vote fraud.
The rest of the Usenet awards are much like KotM, except that it *is*
possible
to win the Hook, Line & Sinker more than once, and you may do so in
successive months.
Now for the Internet awards. Over the course of time, the existence of
Email,
BBS and the Web demanded that Usenet Kookology simply was too limited a
practice to fully experience the colorful world of Kookdom the net has to
offer.
Many times, Usenet Kooks take their crusades to websites and Email which
cannot be covered by KotM nominations alone. This is why the Looney
Maroon Awards were called into existence.
Originally the Looney Maroon Awards were a separate league of honors
apart from the original Usenet set, administered to by a separate Vote
Wrangler. In April 1999, award voting was reunified. Now AUK gives
out awards based on an as-needed basis.
Four versions of winning the Looney Maroon Award have been used
through time. In its first three months, winners were selected by the LMA
Vote Wrangler (then known as the LMA Supreme Dictator) after thorough
research, and the results posted for acceptance or rejection by the denizens
of
AUK. This method (reverse acclamation) and the concept of the LMA were
looked upon fondly by those in the newsgroup; however, multiple candidate
disqualifications and the desire of AUK regulars to vote on this award
resulted
in changing its format to an Email vote, the Dictator retaining powers to
designate
Executive winners of the award himself, and the practice of pure acclamation
instituted. After about a year, these practices were also abandoned, the
Wrangler renamed, and with the exception of the Foam Duck all AUK awards
brought into active voting conformance. The Wrangler reserves the right
to unilaterally place nominees on the ballot for all awards, however, or
nominate or second people himself. It Is Good To Be King.
Today, the Looney Maroon Award is a monthly award voted on by Email,
like KotM; whoever gets the most votes wins. Same is true for the Palmjob
Paddle. Anyone from anywhere on the net can be nominated for these awards,
as well as the Lifetime Achievement and Memorial awards.
The Bobo, Busted Urinal, Unabomber, and Tar & Feathers awards are in the
lifetime achievement category, voted on by voting "yes" or "no" for each
candidate, with the privelege of saying "yes" or "no" to however many
candidates you desire. The Foam Duck is voted on by reversed reverse
acclamation: the Wrangler selects a candidate and asks AUK if they object
to
him getting the Foam Duck, to which AUK denizens vote "yes" or "no".
The Curley, Custer and Kenny awards are those created in memory of
others, special onetime achievements to those dishonoring the memory of
the deceased.
Basically, rules for the non-Usenet awards are inverted compared to
the Usenet ones. There are unlimited opportunities for nomination, and
previous winners can vote. You can even nominate an AUK Vote Wrangler,
on every award but KotM, if you want to get laughed at. Disqualification of
candidates is left to the Vote Wrangler's sole discretion. All nominations
must be seconded unless the Wrangler decides to go on his very own
personal ego trip. A candidate may win each award only once, with the
exception of the HL&S, LMA and Palmjob Paddle, candidates may win an
unlimited number of times as long as they reach the height of the bar raised
by the many previous winners.